Interview times. This is the longest post ever on the blog and it’s around 3800 words . The audio length itself is barely under 30mins. The good news is that it’s jam packed with value, and I didn’t want to edit stuff out of it.
You can listen to today’s interview either by clicking on the embedded player or download the complete mp3 audio file here
For those of you who prefer reading, I’ve offered a text transcript below, my mic sucks a bit under the interview, but there’s no issue with The Duck’s answering part, so if you can’t hear the questions clearly enough, you can read them below. I however recommend listening to the audio version, since there’s small detail left out in the text transcript, also there’s a little surprise at the end of the audio interview for RSDN.
So without further a due I present to you The Duck.
Download A Complete Mp3 Audio file of the interview by Clicking Here
Tell us about yourself, what’s your story and what’s the reason you started doing personal development?
Briefly, I’m originally from Bosnia, I was born there. I’ve lived in Denmark since I was 5 years old, when we first came here I spent about 3–4 years in a refugee camp as a kid.
I’ve always been a natural introvert, shy, quiet.
But in the 7th grade I was vacationing down in Bosnia and I was involved in a car accident with my uncle, mom and brother.
Something changed after that.
I just realized I wanted more out of life and I got into personal development and some of this pickup stuff, basically for the ultimate goal of being able to carry myself as the man I wanted to be.
Mostly for the sake for myself but also for my family and the people that love me. I think that event was probably what set me on this path.
How long did it take you to get good with women and what was your process to achieve it? And how do you define success with women?
First of all, how I define success with women. I think it’s something like consistently being able to attract and keep the women I am attracted to.
When I first started it was basically just to have that power and control over this part of my life, so that’s how I would define success.
How long did it took me to get good? I would say it’s only been the past year and a half that I’ve been able to live up to this criteria. I’ve been a member of RSDN since 2006 and some would define that as being a long time, but it was again this holistic approach and getting some of these mindsets down, doing a lot of different stuff and I’ll admit I was a dabbler at the beginning, cause I didn’t really want to believe that there was an answer to it or that all you had to do is to work hard at it, and you could actually get good results, but I’ve always had a lot of different passions and this has developed into being one of my biggest passions.
You’ve been doing personal development for around 5 years. What was the most difficult thing you had to face(e.g. plateaus, humiliation etc.) and what keeps you going through those difficult times?
First of all you say I’ve been doing personal development for 5 years. I basically define it as living for 5 years.
Learning and growth, have never been something I considered something I would be doing for a while and then stop. Once I got on that path I knew I was always going to continue with it, cause that’s basically life.
Things I had to deal with.
Mainly overcoming fear, I think it was the fear in times when I wasn’t living how I wanted to live, and I remember I’ve had multiple times when I’m walking back crying from a night out, or crying from something that I knew wasn’t me.
It was never from the actual rejection, it was just the fear of being too paralyzed to be who I really was.
There was times that I wanted it so bad that actually the only thing that stopped me from getting it, was myself, I got in my own way.
With Regards to humiliation I don’t think I’ve ever felt humiliated anytime in these last 2–3 years, because I think that stuff happened a lot in high school or elementary school, cause I said I used to be a very shy and introverted kid, so I can tell you a bunch of stories from back then.
I think I just got through a lot of those situations that you define as humiliating, that right now, there’s very little that can actually get me to feel humiliated, mostly because I think I’ve learned to kind of consciously control that and I’ve become more comfortable with my own skin.
Like people do a lot of stupid stuff and we’re all humans. I think that mindset has made me think this way.
With regards to plateaus, I’ve had plateaus, but the only thing that I really thought about when I had them was, I just wanted to keep doing something about it.
Even if I was banging my head to the wall, I would keep doing it, just because I knew it was the little successes that would motivate me to do a lot more.
And again I had the long term approach to it, I wanted results but I didn’t want them so fast that I would give up easily.
How do you stay present and be in the moment when you are going out alone?
First off, I’ve always been comfortable being by myself. Maybe even more comfortable than with other people, although I enjoy the people now.
This is actually something I spoke with Alex about, cause he said that he didn’t think it was too much fun going out by himself.
So he was asking us what we were doing Sunday night or Monday night cause he wanted to go out with someone.
But for me, even when I went out with friends, I would break away from the group to dance or at least try to talk with other people.
Maybe because I never related to the core group of my friends nor the drinking part.
So when I decided to go solo, like a lot of years ago, that was actually how I started.
There was nothing new to it, it was basically going out and doing what I usually did. I just wouldn’t have the friends to go back to and say
” Hey you guys! What are you doing” ,
they could say ” Hey we’re drinking”
and I’ll say ” cool” and just continue do what I did.
The only thing different now is that, like when I’m in line or the coat check, I’m talking to strangers like regular friends.
So besides that I kind of look at myself as a traveler that arrives to a new city, and you’re just kind of exploring the city, even when it’s the same club or whatever, which is easy because I’ve traveled a lot.
I also think “action”, actually doing something in the club either talking to people or just doing something to promote being social, keeps me present.
I think making stuff happen, it can either be dancing or talking to people or doing something, as long as I’m busy I’m good with it.
I think it’s only when you kind of forget to take action that you get inside your head and you basically “think” and the night is over.
Also with the warm up, talking to people before you get to the club, gets you kind of feeling like in the same mindset of being with friends.
What was it you did or what kind of mindset changes did you have, in order to go from the guy that had inconsistent success from time to time, to becoming a guy who gets very consistent results?
I think the first thing with consistency, it was of course working on myself, but I think along the line some of these reference points of actually being successful came along, and I was able to turn all that belief to actual knowledge so as were before I knew I was a good guy.
I knew I could offer a lot to people’s lives.
It was just actually seeing it , like girls text me saying “how much they appreciate me” or just talking to people in real life, and girls just trying to hook up, just because I was able to express myself the way I wanted to.
That kind of just re-enforced everything I believed and it wasn’t necessarily that I needed to sleep with a 100 women, before that actually “clicked”.
It was just like I really believed it, I just needed a couple of external reference points to solidify that so knowing that I’ve done it before.
I think especially being on bootcamp with RSD, both as a client and an assistant kind of gave me a clear cut idea what this stuff is, in real life.
I think especially today here in Scandinavia, where I’ve been unlucky to find so few role models,
but being able to hang around with some of the instructors and see what it is that “they do”
really instilled some of those mindsets to me and that transfered to the actual results.
In your experience what is the one thing that all awesome girls have in common as opposed to girls who are still finding themselves?
With the girl I have now, the one thing that I value the most is self-esteem.
She is probably the strongest girl I’ve met so far at this age cause like she’s 23 and I’m 22.
So being able to find such a woman like that, who knows who she is and knows what she has to offer, I could never see her being jealous.
I’ve even told her some crazy stuff that I’ve done with other girls, and she did not flinch at all. Just because she knew what she had to offer was enough.
It’s girls who are mature in this way, who has a lot less insecurities and also a women who knows when and how to take care of her man, it’s one of those qualities that just melts my heart.
Cause I love working hard, at least as a man, to take a lot of responsibilities to take a lot of action throughout day-to-day, and just having a woman that understands and sees that you are working hard, and she offers her feminine value, like in the sense of taking care of you.
Taking care of the relationship and understanding that I have a lot of stuff that I need to do.
You have a very strong reality. You exude and create a reality for the girl that makes her comfortable being a woman. How did you get such a strong sense of reality and how do you consistently maintain it, so it’s not a one-off kind of thing?
This is something I never think about. If someone is thinking in social situation “do I have the stronger reality?”.
They probably don’t. It’s just shooting themselves in the foot.
For me it’s just been over the years going through some of those humiliating situations, having some role models like my uncle.
I just developed being very comfortable with who I am, I started trusting myself, I started seeing and believing how much value I have to offer, and both of those are actually heavily based on actual reference points.
I’ve seen in social situations where I would not be who I wanted to be, and it wasn’t as fun as when I was being comfortable with myself and offering the value that I wanted to.
So it’s kind of like a decision ” Do I want the situation to be blah and bland” or do I want to offer the value that I have and actually spike the conversation and bring people along.
Which is something that I love to do.
If you stay open towards the world, and don’t have like a retarded closed mind,
there’s so many times that women will come up to you and say ” You are so damn amazing” .
To confirm what you already know for yourself, that you are a good guy.
So when these things happen with the external reference points, it’s not so much that they happen, but they solidify that you are expressing that value that you have. It’s when you “ping off “of that it kinds of solidify those things that you already know.
Trust in that is basically what will give you that stronger reality, when someone tries to talk shit or when you’re own negative thoughts try to bring you down, you go and remember “oh wait I have these reference points” to trust in what I’m doing and keep on going.
How do you become the popular “go to guy” that everyone wants to hangout with and everyone listens to? and how do you display that sort of value in your social circles?
First I learned how to have fun with myself, once I did that people came up to me to have the same fun, and once that happened I knew I have something to offer and it wasn’t just having fun with myself but being able to offer other people the same kind of fun.
I think being that kind of popular guy just came out of being able to make situation into fun situations, just because I thought they were funny, and trust myself being able to express that.
There’s a lot of situations where you think of a lot of funny stuff to say and reasons why you should have fun,
and you don’t do it because you don’t trust yourself or too stuck into the external world, instead of just doing what you want to do.
With regards to how I display it, basically just by being me.
I don’t think it ever works if you set out to be the popular guy or the funny guy. You just got to know that how you live every single day is how you generally going to be in any social situation.
So if you’re having fun throughout your own day, then being in a social situation it’s going to be natural for you to be the fun guy or be the popular guy.
Something I also realized when I was in Gothenburg, we were doing some day game, which is something I haven’t really done too much cause I’m always busy throughout the day, so it was a little bit out of my comfort zone, the interactions I was having success with was the ones I was expressing, the way I wanted to express myself.
It reminded me so much of the interactions I have just from day-to-day in doing the stuff I do in School or in work, the same kind of jokes, same kind of vibes, same kind of conversations going on.
Although it was unfamiliar situations, but it felt like something I’ve been doing all the time, just because I keep doing it day-to-day.
Just basically understanding that you have good intentions,
if you know that you’re a good guy and being honest enough to trust that and express yourself in that way, I think is basically the way to go forward.
How do you become the popular “go to guy” that everyone wants to hangout with and everyone listens to? and how do you display that sort of value in your social circles?
Being honest is key. The approaches I’ve done where I’ve done the best, have been where I’ve been honest.
The way to go about it is basically go up and say
” Hey I thought you were really cute”
because I honestly thought she was really cute and that I wanted to meet her.
From then on it really just comes down to how comfortable I am and how honest I am.
If I find myself saying small lies to impress, it basically doesn’t go down.
I feel it’s not what it’s suppose to be, she feels it’s not what it’s suppose to be, and it doesn’t work.
At this point my life and who I am is so attractive that I don’t have to worry about if she likes it or not, it’s a given.
The only thing I do is to not let myself get in my own way in the form of lying, impress or playing games.
What I talk about, it’s anything. I was talking to one of the students on bootcamp, we did some day game, the whole thing about day game, was just a change of different topics and being low-key about it.
I think in the midst of a minute, I think I changed the topics 7–8 times.
Just because I love the game of association, I get a lot of thoughts in my mind.
I’ve stopped filtering so I just say whatever is on my mind, at the same time I’m always working on how to be more positive, so I know that whatever comes out I know it’s not going to be negative or something that is unattractive.
Because I have the right mindset because I am the right person that I want to be.
So I talk about stuff that I like for example that I love chocolate, I want to see her covered in chocolate, it could be anything. I also switch a lot because of I don’t have that filter, some of the topics I can talk more about or just switch because I’m tired of it.
My approach has been what I want it to be, like what Alex talks about “Talk shit, beat test and be physical”.
So you just go in and talk about what ever you feel like talking about,
you’ll probably going to be tested because they want to see how strong you are,you beat those test and just be physical.
You touch the girl not because you want to get the kino in, you touch her because it’s a normal part of your life.
Start doing that day-to-day and that’s what I pull into my interactions.
How do you deal with potential cockblocks in form of friends and random guys?
First of all I love meeting new people, if they’re cool I’ll befriend them, I’ll tease the girl with ” they shouldn’t be talking to me because the guy is looking weird at me” or ” Oh hey is that your boyfriend, is he going to beat me up?” and they’ll say ” No he’s just my friend bla bla bla.”
If they are down right trying to prevent things to go down, that happened to me in Gothenburg I was talking to this one girl,
I think some of them knew about the community and wanted to fuck with me, I had like this huge camera on, so they thought I was peacocking or something.
I was just helping Alex out.
I’ll either just take the girl physically away or I’ll ignore them.
If they do disregard social courtesy, like if I’m ignoring them and they don’t stop talking and they start picking on me, I just call them out like
” Relax bro, what the fuck are you doing” and just looking at them weird.
Because if they are trying to cockblock me or doing something that is unacceptable by my own standards, then they are just weird.
Whatever I do through my own intentions is something good, so if they are trying to prevent that it’s like “Why would you even do it?”.
Usually the random guys that come out , trying to randomly grab the girls , they don’t really know what they are doing, as much as I do.
You’ve recently posted a video on RSDN and talked a little bit about the “go get it”-philosophy, can you go a bit deeper into that?
Basically in a football game or a basketball game, sometimes you’ll see these guys who aren’t as talented or physically able as other people, just because they hustle and go for what they want, he’s doing the small things and beating the other guys, by not even being physically better, but because he has the mindset that he wants to succeed.
Also the mindset of doing what needs to be done.
Cause today we have this conformity and we don’t have to do a lot of things to be “safe” .
We kind of lose that capability.
But I’m always in the mindset of, let’s say tomorrow there was a huge earthquake or the riots they have down in Libya came to Denmark, would I be paralyzed, because it’s a different situation or will I get in the mindset of doing what needs to be done.To get where I want to go.
A really good youtube video is if your search for Diddy or lil’wayne on success, where basically they talk about don’t sleep until you succeed.
Don’t stop until you succeed. Basically coming down to how bad you want it, and just connect into that passion for what ever you’re doing, and go with the flow, to attain that level of success.
You can find The Duck’s intro video, where he talks about the “Go get it”-philosophy here.
Where do you see yourself now and what are your plans for the future?
Right now I feel like I’m starting to blossom.
I’m starting to come into my own, not just with pickup but also other parts of my life.
Just thinking in that way it kind of tells me, it’s time to break everything down and build it back up stronger.I think the last months or two I’ve been a little bit too comfortable with everything, so I’m basically reevaluating everything, changing my workouts, changing the way I approach productivity and everything.
I really want to focus on those areas of my life. I want to keep going out and stay social, stay in the game to approach without the real intent of pulling cause I’m already good with that.
My ultimate goal for the future is, at some point be the best man and the best father I can be, for my future kids and my future family.
Whatever I do is going to be heading into that direction.
The Duck is an active member on RSDNATION. If you want to get in touch with him. The best way is to find him under the same name on the forums.